On a more serious note

An open letter to my youngest sister, in response to a pretty awful scene witnessed on the way home tonight.

The Recipient- Ailsa, My little sister

Hey

So this is kind of random, but something just happened on my subway ride home from school and I really need to talk to you about it. You in particular. 

I was on the train and it was noisy, as per usual. Honestly, I was trying to make eyes at the handsome mustachioed men nearby and not paying attention to much else, but the noise grew louder and slowly one voice started to become more distinct. I looked over to my right in time to see a young woman, maybe 19 or 20 get up from her seat to stand a short ways away from where she had been seated, while an older man she had been sitting next to shouted things at her. Drawn to the confrontation, like many others on the train, I listened and watched this man call her a freak because of her dyed blue hair, exclaim that no man would want to marry her, and that she was sick and immoral. Sexist and homophobic slurs where thrown at her and she just stood there and said nothing back.

As this continued I felt increasingly uncomfortable, not only because of his words and not only because other passengers were watching but avoiding getting involved, but mostly because no one was coming to HER side. This young woman was being harassed and verbally abused, in public, and no one did anything. What's worse, I didn't do anything right away. I knew that to confront this guy would just make him more aggressive, but I really just wanted to make sure this woman felt safe and okay. 

In this moment, I thought of you. I love you and if I knew someone had spoken to you because of the way you cut your hair or dress or anything, it would make me sick. I would be heartbroken to know that no one stopped to make sure you were okay. You are one of the kindest, sweetest, funniest people I know and it made me so angry to think that you could be labeled and harassed like this girl was. 

So I stepped over. I didn't want to engage with the crazy dude but I wanted to offer her some gesture of kindness and love so that in that moment so that she would know that no one thought this guy was anything other than nuts. I wanted to make sure SHE was okay and just offer a friendly smile as we got off the train. I said a few quick words to her, we exchanged a smile and I stood between her and this guy for the rest of the trip, hoping my back would help shield some of the hate coming from him. 

I'm glad I did something, though it doesn't feel like enough. Of course I thought about it the whole way home and by the time I got back to the safety of my house I had composed a mature, thoughtful, yet assertive speech to this man that would have eloquently handled the situation. Ah well. I did what I could. 

It did make me want to tell you that should you ever encounter anything like this, don't listen. I wanted to tell you that I Love you and admire you and think you're gorgeous. 

Call me soon! I miss ya

Carrie

Clearly she is the best

Christmas!

For those of you who follow me on Facebook/Twitter/Intagram you will have seen the photo of my tree already and/or heard about how much I adore it. This is my first Christmas tree that is MINE. I picked it out, I bought it, I lugged it home (actually, I adorably bear-hug-carried it through Home Depot and into a ZipCar, but you get the point). I am in lurv with this tree.

Today my mom's ornaments arrived. The same ornaments that adorned every tree I have ever known personally, all through life. I was SO excited that some of these would be on my very first tree and so I got the package home as soon as humanly possible and began the decorating process.

In my family the tree decorating tradition is as follows: We eat cheesies (cheetos) and we listen to Amy Grant's "White Christmas" album or "Pipin' Hot Christmas" - a bagpipe compilation CD of Christmas songs (did I mention my dad is a bagpiper? My dad is bagpiper). Awesome.

So with Cheesies in hand and Amy Grant beltin' out the tunes, my Tree got done up. It was pretty fun seeing all the old favs come out and I am tickled with the result. My plan is to keep some of these and add to my collection every year with one nice ornament gift to myself. Someday I will have a pretty eclectic but memory-filled tree. Heck, I already do :)

Snacks and decorations 

Weird white elephant

Inexplicably disgruntled Teddy

Above: Lanky Skiier; Below: Ballerina on Horse

The Finished Product!

I love it!!! 

Merry Christmas!!

Feeling Funky

I'm at work and the kids are sleeping. I just sent out a bunch of applications, which feels great, so I thought I should update the dear little blog, since it has been so neglected as of late. But I'm exhausted, so in the interest of time (read: I want to have a nap asap) I am resorting to point form

1. I don't know why I say "resorting to" - I love point form. If I were ever to write a book, it would largely be in point form. 
2. All I've been doing lately is working. Nothing exciting. At all. 
3. Over the weekend, since I was sick as a dog (a saying I will never understand) I picked out a pattern for my author-knitting project. And then today I unpicked it, since I think it may be too heavy for mid-May. That's okay. I have until the weekend to finalize. 
4. I got my Christmas tree on Sunday and I love it so much it is weird. I may or may not have slept in the living room one night this week with its lights on...who knows! My mom sent my childhood ornaments so those are ready for pick up at the post office and waiting to go on the tree. If only I didn't work so much so I could actually go get them...
5. Seriously - like 75 hours between 3 families the other week. No wonder I got sick. 
6. I'm in a total funk over still having no job leads. It sucks. 
7. I'm hosting a fun party this weekend! Yay! I hope I find a chance to clean my house before then 
8. I have raised $90 for my family sponsorship! WOW! Thanks friends/family!!! 
9. I don't ever get to do anything fun lately. See #2 and #5
10. Oh! I have been thinking about the replacement goals and I think I have them ready to tell you about. 

But first - I need to SLEEP. 

Gettin' Lucky

I am going to keep this short and sweet folks - I am fighting off a flu bug that descended on me at work today and all I want to do is put on my sweats, drink a bottle of NyQuil, and pass out watching crappy TV. But I had to share my awesome day with you. (Getting sick and throwing up on the way home from work is not part of this awesome day).

I am one friggin LUCKY lady. Seriously. The fact that I can say that now, despite the nausea and aches, really just tells you how much I mean it.

So as many of you know, I decided to sponsor a family through The Red Door Family Shelter this season. I totally can't afford to do that, so I beseeched my friends and family to pitch in what they could and sponsor along with me. The response has been AWESOME - a relative I haven't actually met sent me money, friends who I have known for ages have donated, and new friends have offered what they can as well. I'm at the place now where almost HALF the cost of this sponsorship has been donated by YOU guys - that is AMAZING!!! Please let me know if you want to help out - I would love to send in a big fat "extra" cheque along with the sponsorship cheque. There is still time too! So just message me :)

I decided that the sponsorship thing was so great, why not go a little further? So I am also doing a shampoo-drive in my neighbourhood/among friends. It works the same as a food drive but instead collects personal care items (shampoo, soap, feminine hygiene products, toothpaste, toothbrushes, etc) and baby items (mostly formula, diapers, and wipes). I can't imagine how awful it would be to find myself in a situation where I had to flee my home and rely on a shelter, but to not have these basic comfort items would make it feel even worse. Anyway - my neighbours have responded wonderfully, as have a couple of my friends who are going to collect as many of these items as they can to donate along with mine. Amazing. If you are in Toronto want to help out just let me know - I always have extra soap/shampoo/toothpaste so add what you can!

So I was all giddy with joy over everyone helping out with my Christmas-giving mission, when I left work all barfy/sweaty to go home and feel sorry for myself. What did I find upon my arrival?

TWO packages in the mail! TWO!!!!!


The first was my Vegan food swap haul - Check out how great it is!

I got:

• liquid smoke - HOW COOL IS THAT?!!?!?!?!?!? I can't wait to whip this out in a recipe
• Soy curls - never seen/heard of them. Intrigued. 
• Fajita seasoning - yummers. 
• Sahale snacks glazed cashews - YUMMERS
• Camino peanut better chocolate bar - hilarious because now I am 2 for 2, getting this in a food swap package. They really are tasty. 
• Lots of recipes and a nice note!

Pretty great haul, right?

The second package made me cry:

My friend Allyson in Nova Scotia sent me hand-knit fingerless mittens and some treats! These mitts are so cozy and I am already in love with them - what a talented girl. This was just the personal, thoughtful pick-me-up that I needed tonight. Thank you. Thank you so so much.

So all things considered I am a pretty lucky person. I have managed to surround myself with some really, truly amazing and gifted people who share themselves with me so generously, in talents and time. So thank you all! I leave you with this video, which really sums up for me how to go about building a life that is happy and fun to live.

Much love to all of you.

Now - bed with a bucket for me.

Sponsoring a Family - Need your Help!

Hi Friends and Family, 

The time has come. I know how much you have been enjoying reading about my silly little 30x30 goals -the vegan month was a hoot, and we all were so relieved when I FINALLY finished that scarf, right?!

But the fun and games are going to be put on pause for just a moment - I need your help.

Actually, I need your money.

ACTUALLY, I don't, but someone in Toronto does.

Why? I've decided to Sponsor a family!

My motivation started out completely selfishly. I've been having a crummy month and feeling pretty sorry for myself. I don't like my job. My career seems like it will never get here. I haven't bought nice or new things in what feels like forever. I've been working every weekend and week-night to save up money for an internship that might not happen. And due to their cost:filling ratio I've been eating burritos Every. Day. (they are yummy, but I need something new!) My life sucks! Right?

Hell no.

I realized that I see people every day who would thank their stars for the life that I have - nice home, good job, full stomach, clean clothes. These are all a luxury and one that I should learn to appreciate more.

The other piece of why I decided to do this is the string of sexual assaults in Toronto in the past couple of weeks. I was rightfully upset by them and then suddenly struck with how lucky I am to live in a SAFE home. When I come home, I don't have to fear for myself. I can relax, eat, sleep, and wake up with no fear that someone here wants to and can do me harm. I am so incredibly lucky to live like this when there are so many women who don't.

So the end result is my decision to sponsor a family.

The problem though is I really can't afford to, haha. I am sponsoring through The Red Door and I am sending them a cheque for $200 to sponsor a family of two. That is $200 that I TOTALLY don't have as "extra." I have it, but it will mean spending beyond my means if all $200 comes from my pocket.

So I am turning to you - my readers. I KNOW YOU EXIST!!!!! I see each and every one of you on my page-hits and I know that together we can make this easy and stress-free and I won't have to write my parents an awkward email about why I need to borrow $200 from them.

So: If you are reading this, right now, PLEASE let me know if you can contribute. PayPal, e-transfer, and if you're in Toronto I will even come and pick up cash from you. Promise. Any amount will do - $2, $5, $10 - whatever you can contribute. You can rest assured that your donation will be sent directly to The Red Door because I've already sent it to them. Really, you owe me. (Too far on the guilt? Maybe.)

So Thank you Thank you THANK YOU! Everyone who helps out will of couse get a shout-out, or not if you ask me to hush hush. I will even do something crazy for you all in order to reach the $200 goal....hrmm...but what? Make a suggestion!

I am excited for us to do this together - you are all the best! (hey - mild flattery couldn't hurt, right?)


To Donate: email me at carriemacmillan@gmail.com - we can make arrangements that work best for you.

Frustrated: A rant about my time (or lack thereof)

I just got back home from interviewing with a family for some evening child care. We hit it off and I start tomorrow. I have been taking on as much extra work as possible in preparation for a (hopefully) upcoming unpaid internship. Earning as much cash as possible and padding my saving account has become a priority; if I'm not going to have a regular pay cheque for a three month stretch, it really has to be.

While I'm excited and relieved that I will have some extra cash flow, it definitely felt like I was slamming the door on anything resembling a social life for the next month. I am now either in class or working every night until my Christmas holidays. I may have the occasional Sunday to myself, but no weeknights and no Friday/Saturdays.

It certainly is a frustrating prospect to look at the next month and see such little time for myself. I have been thinking it would be fun to start doing yoga, or running again in the evenings, but when on earth will I be able to fit that in? When will I have time to read or write? When will I have time to spend with these things that I want to be exploring and creating? I knew that making this career change would be hard, and that it would require sacrifice, but ugh. It is a bleak and depressing looking month for me.

Even more frustrating is trying to find time to see friends and do fun, social things. Personal sacrifice I can deal with - not doing anything fun with my spare time because my spare time needs to be used to make these things happen. I can suck it up and do that for the next month. But it really isn't a nice thought that I basically have to tell my friends "nice knowin' ya! I'll see you in 2013." I don't think it is fair to make them cater to my suddenly full schedule and my time is no longer flexible, at all.

I guess all that is to say that this is hard. Making a change in life, a big change, a HUGE change, is really, really hard. I don't get to do what I want to anymore. All my time, money, effort - it is all being focussed on making this one thing happen. I know that it won't always be like this (PLEASE someone tell me it won't always be like this) but right now, it feels pretty awful.

Just to end on a positive note, I will mention this: I went for a run yesterday for the first time since September, and it felt GREAT. Today, mind you, it feel like all my muscles decided to be jerks at the same time, but yesterday it felt awesome. I love the feeling of having actually USED my body. SO - I'm going to try to get back into the morning yoga/running. While my evenings may be fully book, no one has yet laid claim to my mornings. 6am - I will see you tomorrow.

I'm DONE!

Guys. I finished my scarf today. 

I love it so much I kind of want to weep with joy. 

I got it long enough to wrap around twice and still hang down enough to cover my chest. 

And look how pretty! Only three mistakes on the whole thing. 

I even was able to properly cast off with no problems. 

Magic Scarf.