For SERIOUS?!

Ya know how sometimes when life is ticking away at an awesome pace, things are all going your way, and you are RIDONKULOUSLY happy to boot? And then the universe takes note and is all "hrmmm...this can't go on forever, time to be an asshat!" Yeah, well, cue that in my world this week.

I have to move :(

My landlords are converting the house back into a single family home and I have until May-ish to GTFO.

It isn't the end of the world - I was considering moving sometime soon anyway, and things weren't PERFECT here, but I really wanted to move at my own speed and not on someone else's schedule. That is the annoying part. Add to it the unknowns in life: what will I be doing job-wise at the end of April? Where in the city should I be? Should I stay in Toronto or head out somewhere else until August? But then I also WANT to be in Toronto, not elsewhere. AHHH. My mind has slowly been freaking out.

The good side of all of this is that I don't have to leave NOW. I can take my time, keep my eyes out for the right place; in my price range, all the things I want in an apartment, good 'hood, etc. Maybe I can even get a place that will eventually be dog friendly (!!!!!!)

Not much else to share in other news. On here.

CURSES!

So I was all excited* to go to my poetry reading last night and get #24 crossed off the list, finally. I had picked a fun sounding poetry event and was on my way to it all alone (shockingly none of my friends wanted to spend their Saturday night listening to poetry); I even forced down a disco-nap so that I would be all wide-eyed and bushy-tailed for it!

Then this happened:

DUB. TEE. EFF. 

SO no poetry for me last night and #23 remains un-crossed off. 

Everything else seems to be going pretty well though! I'm spending part of my afternoon today mapping out a schedule for From-Scratch month, which I will post for your view pleasure asap. I also plan on mapping out a schedule for the quilt I want to make, so that I can get started on that asap. 

Random question: Does anyone out there in internet land know of any good free/cheap online language tutoring or something like that? I was looking through my photos this morning and found this gem from Dec:

After emailing a couple Mandarin tutors last month, I haven't really done anything more on that one. I also need to really go to more shows - I miss my show-buddy! (You know who you are...). I really want to tick off a few of these...it is a much easier list to tackle that the monster I have on this site. Plus: trampolines!!! LASER TAG!!!! Why didn't I put shit like this on my 30x30?!

Okay kids, I'm off to the AGO today. Win!

*I wasn't excited at all. I was tired and just want to go home. But I went!

Planning my Trip

That's right. I've decided to take this beast by the horns and just turn three goals into one massive (sort of illogical) road trip.

The way I see it, at the end of this internship the following will be true:

• I will have nothing that needs my attention job-wise until August. So 3+ months "free"
• I will have nothing tying me to Toronto; no school, no job commitment, and likely not even an apartment (since I am thinking I will just give this place up rather than try to sublet it). 

So basically - lots of time, little money. This is the PERFECT scenario to just rough it on the road for a bit. I'm actually a little excited. The idea of a longer-term solo trip has been haunting me since I left China in 2007. When I was planning my return to Canada, you see, I had planned a huge train trip that would take me through China, Mongolia, Siberia, Russia, and Europe. I had the WHOLE THING planned to the smalled detail. Then my employer screwed me over and I couldn't afford to do it. This is my moment to live that trip! 

So my planned route has me on the bus. Not ideal, but hey - I have done rougher traveling before in my life (the hard-seat-overnight train in Thailand comes immediately to mind). The plan is as follows:

• Toronto - Calgary: This looks like it will be my first stop since this is the first place on the schedule where I know someone. Good enough for me
• Calgary - Vancouver: I would stay in Van for a couple of weeks. My youngest sister is out there,  my oldest friend, and some other friends I have from undergrad. It would be great to see all of them (and try to spread out the sleeping on various couches, haha)
• Vancouver - Chicago: I'm tempted to stop somewhere along this route too, but I'm not sure where exactly. May need to do some more research. Chicago would be a 2-3 day stay. Hopefully I could couchsurf there. 
• Chicago - Boston: Again, 2-3 days in Boston 
• Boston - Hali

OR 

• Chicago - Atlanta
• Atlanta - Boston
• Boston - Hali

It all depends on how much I can save! Over all, I think I would need around $1000 for the bus tickets, plus room and board and some spending money, so let's call it $2500 max. I am planning the timeline with my departure on June 3, meaning that I will have a month and a half to work and save (and not pay rent, since it will be my last month and I paid that when I moved in). 

On paper, it looks doable! 

Of course, this all depends on a LOT of things: I need to have that time as free (who knows - MAAAYYYYBE I will get a job! Stop laughing, all you people in publishing!) I also need to be able to save that amount of money, meaning I need to find temporary work. 

I'm certainly not setting things in stone, but it is looking good so far. Planning calms me when I get all frazzled about this. 

Any suggestions? Ideas? Helpful tips? Share!

Needing to DO something

I kind of wish that more of my 30 goals were things that I could check off. There is a real satisfaction in crossing things off of that massive list, and a real sense of stagnation that comes when you're not. Sure, I'm DOING stuff - I'm knitting, and the quilting project will soon begin (I have no monies, it is hard to get supplies without them). But I haven't had the satisfaction of finishing something in a while.

So, when I can't DO, I plan.

I've decided to schedule "rock climbing month" in for March. I rock climbed for a year back in 2006-2007 when I was in China, but haven't gone ONCE since returning to Canada (sad!) I always loved it though and found it to be the perfect "sport" for non-athletic me. The reason for the HUGE delay - I's poor. But I will be going here: $35 for the first lesson and then $135 for my 10 times-pass. Sold!

Also, I am one poetry reading away from completing #24. So I am going this month. Let's Google one right now, shall we?

Um...AMAZING GOOGLE FIND. Toronto Poet Laureate George Elliot Clarke will be preforming at the Drake Hotel Underground on January 26. FIVE DOLLARS. In.

I also need to do some planning for "Make-it-from-scratch" month, but I feel like doing that while poor might actually be beneficial. Maybe April? It will require a lot of planning. Also, a conversation today/yesterday regarding garbage and waste brought back all my Masters research, and I'm inspired to start trying to live in more zero-waste-y ways. Those of you who knew me then can likely recall the enthusiasm I had regarding garbage-resource stuff.* We shall see!

I am also getting terrified of not getting to do the trips. Mostly because I have ZERO money. Damn unpaid-ness of this internship! But I also will have 3 months with nothing to "do" at the end of it, so maybe I could go then? Work for 2 weeks and then just bum my way to Chicago and Boston and...Vancouver? The country is huge and that is awesome but really makes traveling expensive...anyway. If there is someone out there reading this and has access to cheap airplane tickets or wants to lend me their car for a weekend, I will love you for all of time. :D

In real-life updates, I had a delightful weekend that involved a soup exchange (exactly what it sounds like) and a book club and a nice brunch with some friends. I was SUPPOSED to hang out in a yurt tonight, but then I got all icky feeling and tired and thought that it may be best to have relaxed-yurt-hangouts, as opposed to "I don't wanna be in this yurt" yurt hangouts. Luckily my yurt-buddy was understanding and wonderful.

It was one of those weekend where you feel so content just by being in the presence of awesome people. So to those of you I saw: Thanks for being awesome. And to those of you I didn't: We should be awesome together soon, please.

In the exciting world of interning, I mostly have discovered that sitting at a desk all day HURTS. Sure babies were heavy and that hurt too, but my body is all pissy over not getting to, you know, move for hours at a time. As a result, I may brave the cold and start winter-running again. I'm getting all pudgy around the middle from the combined "cookies at my desk" and "sitting at my desk" evils. No likey.

Aside from that, it continues to be pretty awesome!

Hope all in well in your corners of the world!

*Fun Carrie-fact: while doing my Masters degree I was part of a waste-research student club. We would get together and share our various waste-oriented research. It. Was. Awesome. (We also called ourselves "York Gets Wasted"). I also got permission to do a ride-along with a private garbage collector for CREDIT during the garbage strike, but it ended before I could make the arrangements. I was REALLY sad. I may be opening a can of worms (Which I would then use for an under-the-sink compost)

Hey friends!!

How are you?

Things here are great! I went to a wonderful little launch party last night for one of my all time favourite authors (Andrew Kaufman. Go out and buy/read his books NOW). It was nice to be doing something social and I got to see loads of people who I haven't seen in ages. I think the last publishing "event" I went to was the Giller Light - that was AGES ago! I definitely need to make more of an effort to go to things. There are a couple more coming up, so off a-socializing I will go!

Interning continues to be great. I went out after work with some of the peeps I work with to the launch and it was great to be out of the office and socializing with them. (I also know that at least one of them reads this blog...so it is weird to be writing about it, but guess what - I'M GONNA!)

I also received an email with reading to do before my NEXT internship this fall which is kind of awesome. I'm gonna be MAKING books, guys. Like...MAKING them. It does not get more rad than that, and I am in a constant state of dork-out.

As jazzed as I am for fall-internship, I am kind of sad that I will be missing out on all the stuff that will be happening during that time in Toronto. Fall is huge for books and there will be launches all the time, and IFOA, and my friend will be launching her sexy-author-calendar. I can't miss all that!! But I will. (I may squirrel away some of the money I get from the internship and fly back to Toronto for IFOA and my friend's launch...that seems reasonable).

Then there is the fact that I will be turning 30 at home, with my parents. I know it is petty and trivial, but I really want to be in Toronto for my 30th, or in Vancouver with my birthday-bestie. I love my friends in NS, but because everyone is spread out it will be a logistical nightmare. Ah well. Count my blessings - right?!

One unexpected blessing - my hair is getting super long! Check it:

I'm not sure why I chose "overly concerned about hair length" for this photo-face. 

I'm excited to cut it all off eventually, but for now, I'm really digging having it long. Mostly so I can make hair-beards, like this:

This is what 29 looks like, kids. 

Lastly - I saw this today. A young couple doing 365 new things in 365 days! They have done all sorts of neat stuff and are almost done their project - go check them out! I TOTALLY want to copy next year!





**if you are about to accuse me for putting in dumb-ass photos to distract how  I haven't uploaded real photos in awhile, you can save it. You're right. I tried to make up for it with hair-beard, which will now exist FOREVER on the internet. Cut me some slack. **

Exciting News

Many of you know that when I was home in NS over the break I had a fun little meeting. Here is the scoop for those of you who don't know the details:

My hometown is Wolfville, NS. Right next door is Kentville, which happens to be the home of Gaspereau Press, a small independent publisher and printer. They do mostly literary fiction and poetry, though they have done the odd non-fiction book. Everything is printed in house, much like is done here in Toronto at Coach House Books. They have all the fancy typesetting machines, binders, sewing machines, and things that do things I don't even know about. It is a book nerd paradise.

So when I learned through a hilarious series of events that I actually knew the guys who owned it, I thought it might be worth a shot to see if they take interns. It was kind of ideal: if accepted I could gain some experience doing pretty much everything in the book making process, from manuscript review right through editorial, marketing, sales, publicity, and production. And more. Plus I would be back in NS, where I grew up, and I would have the chance to spend time with people I love there who I don't get to see nearly enough. I would walk away from the experience with a wealth of publishing knowledge, some quality time with loved ones, and...lots of home cooked meals, haha

IF they took interns.

Well, after some emailing back and forth I met with Andrew Steeves, one of the owners, over the holidays and we had a GREAT chat. He is undoubtedly one of the most intelligent people I've sat down with. We spoke for a couple hours on Christmas Eve and he gave me a tour of the press. We talked shop for a bit about an internship possibility and things looked good! But nothing was finalized so I didn't want to say anything.

Buuuut I got an email today and it is all set! I will be heading back east this summer for August, September, and October (probably those months, though things are flexible) to intern with them! REJOICE!

You know what is really kind of odd though? As excited as I am for all the reasons I already mentioned, a big part of why I am excited is more personal than professional. My grandfather was a typesetter at a local newspaper back in his day. He would hand set pages of type for the printer, day after day. I, of course, never knew this part of his life first hand, but it was always something that I knew about him. So I am really excited to get learn his trade, to spend (some of) my days doing what he would do, and to hopefully get a better understanding of what his job was like by learning to do it myself. He passed away several years ago, but I like to think that we would have bonded over my upcoming experience, and I a looking forward to living that connection out on my end.

But there you go! This means I will be home in NS this Summer and Fall. This also means that I will have NO WHERE to be mid-April until August and I could therefore go anywhere! Do I stay in Toronto? Head to Vancouver? Philly? And it means that at the end of THIS whole show - my 30x30 list - I will be turning 30 in NS. Not exactly what I planned....but, life never is, right?

So suddenly 2013 feels pretty full!

Whole Person

I like to make plans in advance so that I fill my days with lots of different things.

I like to stay at home, with a book or some knitting and turn my phone off and enjoy my own company. 

Being in bed early on a weeknight does not make me "lame" - it makes me better at my job and able to do it well. That matters to me. 

I don't think that there is anything wrong with staying out with friends, having drinks and getting a little rowdy until the wee hours of the morning. I am not drinking now though, so it is no fun for me. 

I wake up really early. Even on the weekends. 

I like my home. I want to spend time there. 

More often than not, I make plans to see PEOPLE. What we do is secondary. 

I care about things like art and music and I want to experience them more. 

I listen to the CBC everyday. 

I don't know any new bands and I'm okay with that. Maybe it makes me less cool, but I like to experience music through others and will get friends and family to fill up my iPod. 

I don't watch TV much. 

I am branching out socially and making new friends and meeting new people. This is really important and exciting for me.

I believe that staying connect with friends and family is important, but the way you do that is to communicate with them, not just physically show up and be in the same room. 

I'm single, but I certainly don't feel alone. 

I am at the same time entirely the same person I have always been, while being nothing like I was 5 years ago. (or 10 or 20 or even 1)

I have had a lot of struggles, but I am better and stronger for them. 

I deserve to be treated with respect. 

It's been a crazy week guys. Both REALLY REALLY good with the internship and finally having this part of my life come together. But all really really hard, having to question myself and what I am doing and the decisions I make. 

What I have learned this week is I need to be try to be more empathetic and understanding. To make more of an effort.  To try to remember that everyone has things going on behind the scenes that I don't know about. I had some great times this week though, with old friends and new, so I am thankful for that. And for the majority of people in my life who have been supportive and understanding with everything I'm doing. It is pretty great to have so many people rally behind you in the way that I have experienced. 

So onwards! This week has LOTS of fun stuff in store: tea dates, a book launch, a concert, a soup-party, a book club and a Yurt. Oh yes, I will be wrapping up this week in a yurt. Yurtastic!

The List - a check in

1. Run 5k - I have the go-ahead to start running again! I am both excited to start again (it feels great) and NOT excited (it is REALLY gross out). This is where I have to admit to not really liking winter much. I just hate being cold! So much! Buuuuuut I will brave the winter. 

2. 
Do 1 month COMPLETELY vegan

3. Quit My job

4. No Alcohol for the year - Going strong. I didn't have any drinks over the holidays, even though dad's scotch was pretty tempting. I floated the idea of having 1 celebratory drink with my family over my internship, and I was kind of offended by their response. They were NOT into the idea. My mom is not a drinker and I think she is over the moon that I have decided to give up alcohol for the year, and she made me feel...wrong and bad for even suggesting it. It was really upsetting. Obviously I want to stick to my goal, but I also think that if I were going to make an exception, this was a damn good reason. It wasn't like I was all drooling over having a drink or NEEDED to have one; I just thought it would be a really special way to mark something big, with my family. It definitely gave me a lot to think about in terms of how people are perceiving this "no alcohol" thing. Who knew it would be so complicated. 

5. Learn to knit and make something I can wear Well the scarf is done and the author-knitting project is on hold while I wait for the pattern/materials. I am working on a baby blanket right now for a friend though, and a hat (which is worked flat). My big goal is to learn to knit in the round. I may need to hit up my knitting friends to show me the ropes!

6. Make a quilt -  I have the Sew Machine fund in my hands, but I haven't gone to get it yet. I am just SO busy so I'm going to hold off for a couple weeks. But I have a plan! I guess next up is gathering fabic. 

7. Volunteer for a particular charity/organization (more to come) - Right. This one. Eep. 

8. Turn my apartment into a home (ie - put up shelves)  - Working on this. It is kind of on hold though, since I don't know how much longer I will be in this apartment. I am LIKELY going to be spending a few months in NS around the end of the summer, so I don't know if I will be able to sublet the apartment during that time. I don't want to sink money into a place that I'm not going to stay in, ya know. 

9. Have a Yard Sale - Spring. I'm starting to collect things for it though. 

10. Go to Vancouver - UGH. WHEN!?! 

11. Print 20 photos every month - make an album - full disclosure: I am failing at this one. I haven't print any since the first ones - TERRIBLE!!! I will make a point of going this weekend though. I have all the Christmas photos and I want to print those asap, so that is a great excuse. 

12. Host a dinner party - cook it all yourself! No news

13. Travel to Chicago - No Idea. I would love for someone to come with....eh? EH!?

14. Throw someone a surprise party - Nice try...

15. Make cards for all friends/family birthdays and anniversaries - I'm doing OKAY. I definitely missed a few in December (all of them in December) but in my defence I was working a LOT and having daily panic attacks. I fully intend on getting right back to it in January though!

16. Mail one personal, hand-written letter per month - Again - failing. Need to figure this out...

17. Donate my Hair - In the spring

18. Go to the dentist -  Not yet. 

19. Start a retirement fund  - I should make that appointment...

20. Read 1 book, watch 1 movie, and buy 1 album recommended by of each of my family members -  Bought all the books except one and I'm looking at them. Right now I'm reading the Canada Reads finalists, so that is taking up my time, but these one are next!

21. Journal for the whole year - either on the blog or on paper - Blogging less, but I am hoping to make it more of a daily habit. 

22. Try rock climbing again - buy a 10x pass and use it up within a month - I was going to do January as my rock climbing month, but now I'm unemployed so maybe I should wait until February and save up for it a bit...

23. Take myself on a birthday "date" on or close to the 8th of every month - reflect on how things are going with the list/in life/etc. Nope. 

24. Go to each of the following: a poetry reading; a book event (non work related) ; a concert - all by myself Just need that poetry reading! 

25. Try some kind of kickboxing/ass whooping class. - This is scheduled for sometime in the spring. 

26. Call each of my sisters for a sit-down conversation once a month (I have a lot of sisters so this will take up most of my Sundays) _ I am talking to them more, but it is hard since they are busy people too. Seeing them over Christmas was great!

27. Sign up (and go) to a beginners art class  - I need to schedule that book binding workshop...January is ACTUALLY almost fully booked. WTF

28. Travel to Boston - Who knows!

29. Get a credit card (shocking I don't have one, right?) Still waiting. 

30. Become a member at the AGO, MOCCA andROM 

Quick Little Updateroni

1. My new lover moves in this weekend. Must organize and clear room for the exciting arrival. 
2. Internship continues to be great. I work with smart, wonderful people and I am going to learn SO much. Can't wait. So far I've learned how to scan things REALLY well. Hey- gotta start somewhere! 
3. OMG SHEEZER SHOW NEXT WEEK!! Who wants to come with? Jan 10 - DO IT! 
4. I'm reading Indian Horse, one of the Canada Reads finalists. It is a devastating novel - it makes my heart ache in so many ways - from sadness, joy, love, just all the emotions. I am going to get a reflection up on my other (VER neglected) site asap. 
5. Weird sidebar: I recently FB creeped an ex from ages ago and whoa. Just whoa. Have I always had HORRIBLE taste in men? (don't answer that) I need an old school matchmaker or something, because clearly I don't know ANYTHING. 
6. I fell asleep on the subway this afternoon. 
7. My head is full of some kind of heavy stuff at the moment that I am having a hard time processing. Normally I would just write it out here and be done with it, but it involves others and I don't want to make things worse. Annoying. Such is the negative side of having people who know you IRL read your journal. 
8. DID I MENTION SHEEZER?!?
9. The weirdest thing happened last night. So I listen to hypnosis recordings to sleep at night (I have a long and complicated relationship with insomnia and anxiety around sleeping). I listen to the same recording every night and it always works - relaxes me, clears away my anxiety, puts me under and helps me decompress the day before falling asleep. I was never one to believe in this kind of thing, but honestly, the second the chick says "one" I am under. Aware but in a totally relaxed state. It is weird and awesome. ANYWAY. So I was listening to it last night when I started to hear almost layered voices under the hypnosis lady's voice, all talking in unison. It was CREEPY. I still went under like I usually did, and they didn't tell me to burn anything, so I guess it is all good, but weird. Just thought I would share.
10. In the next three weeks I have the following fun times: a birthday party, a soup exchange (YUM), book club, a book launch, a class to audit, a concert (SHEEZER), and a good old fashioned par-tay. Plus lots of great reading to do. 
11. Life is good, guys. Really effing good. 

Day One

Forgot my lunch

Stood in front of a scanner all day

Exhausted

Fancy clothes are weird

90 minute commute each way

DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE I LOVED. IT. 

LOVE. 

Now Imma go read Indian Horse (achingly good - really) and fall asleep. 

So awesome.