Desktop Confessional

I've been in a funk all this week and it has really been driving me nuts. Not just because I feel crummy, but because I know that I really don't have any reason to. It has been a total pity party in my head and I am just about sick of it. But when you don't what is bumming you out, how do you fix it?

Well, confession time kiddos - I am a control freak. Not your typical "I like things done a certain way" control freak, but more of the "anything that I can't do or control directly stresses me out" variety. It's okay, I've learned to deal with this and have come a long way in letting things slide. But sometimes a perfect storm of many little "not-within-my-control" things will coalesce and the result is this: I get bummed.

Don't get me wrong, I will take "bummed out" over "ready to pull my hair out and scream" ANY day, but it still sucks. So when I finally got fed up of feeling crummy about this invisible swarm of "stuff" I couldn't identify, I did what any good control freak would do - I made lists.

First there was the list of "Things that are making me feel crummy." Then came the list of "What I can do about it." And finally the list of "Things that were awesome this week." That last one was the most fun and if you're reading this, you were part of it (I've been getting higher hits on the blog than normal this week - booya!)

I won't bore you with the details but I did learn a valuable lesson - good things are happening every day, and I need to focus on those instead of the annoying things that I can't control. Also, I made a To-Do list for the rest of the week, because what good would this exercise be without a point-by-point plan to change things.

So! The Plan!

1. Go to bed earlier and get out of bed earlier. 
2. Do job apps Thursday night
3. Dress more warmly
4. Email/Call people back right away. Especially when these people are attractive men (just sayin...)
5. Phone-fasting for the rest of the week (get off Twitter/Facebook/Email and be present IRL)

Also, I realized that a large part of why I'm feeling so shitty is that November is much less exciting in the goal-checking-off department. October wasn't exactly a whirlwind of things getting done, but every day I felt like I was working on my list because every day I was doing the vegan thing. Now I'm not, so I am feeling some loss as a result. 

Is there a plan for that, you ask? But of course. 

1. Empty and prime dresser on Saturday morning
2. Stop by VV on Thursday to look for quilt material
3. Email 3 salons On Sunday
4. Print October's photos + buys disposable camera
5. Do 30 mins of knitting everyday for one week

Also - snuggle the cats