Thoughts on Running

I was talking to a friend last night and we started talking about my running project. I should stop and say that while I love all the encouragement that people have offered regarding the running I do feel just a little silly accepting it. It has only been a few times that I've gone and it doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment (yet). But the encouragement does help a lot, so thank you :) Anyway, so we were talking about the running and how it was going and I told her that I had been avoiding the outdoor track near my house because it was always being used by "real" runners. I had realized that I was a little scared to be seen running. It wasn't because I was embarrassed by the lack of finesse my run would display; I am clearly not a "real" runner. But I feel about the act of running the same what I felt about speaking Mandarin when I lived in China: people need only take one look at me and they will know I have NO idea what I'm doing. It takes away a lot of the intimidation factor when the pressure to do well is eliminated from the get-go. So if I wasn't afraid of being (rightfully) pegged as a newbie, what was causing me all of the this anxiety? Running Culture and my being decisively on the outside of it.

What I mean by "running culture" is all of the stuff that people who run seem to know: what to wear, when to wear it, and what it is worn for; how to plan a route and what my route should include and why; which shoes to wear for different terrains and based on my physical needs. Also running culture encompasses the answers to all these questions I never knew I would have: what do I do with my house keys while out for a run? Those in the know certainly had this figured out and my having my keys jingling at my side felt more embarrassing than gasping for breath after 2 minutes of light jogging.

I'll admit it - not having the "stuff" has made me feel like an outsider too. Not that anyone has said anything to me at all, but in my head I judge myself for not having the outfits and the iPhone holder and all the fancy things that "real" runners use. But this is one thing that I am actively trying to avoid - buying the "stuff." The reasoning is that I am not doing this to become part of a club. I am not looking to be identified as a "real" runner. I just want to get my runs over with and (hopefully) enjoy the physical and mental perks of some good exercise. I don't want to change who I am into a runner, but rather I want to adopt running into my current life. So I have decided for this reason (as well as because I am trying to save money so I can quit my job) to only buy what I need. For now, that is shoes, a couple pairs of exercise pants, and a couple sports bras. My keys can jingle in those pockets for now.